By Shari

This is definitely a meaner, leaner Survivor. Jeffy was interviewed and said that they wanted the show to be tough and then when he and the Producers (not Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick) saw how arrogant and cocky everyone was, they said "Fuck ‘em". No fire, no food, no clothes. No help. Nada. Zilch. Just a machete, a pot and some nasty water.

It's amazing they could fit everyone's egos onto the islands. Dick 'Buttblur' Hatch really needs an island to himself. You'd think after all these Survivors, he'd know the difference between wearing the buff and being in the buff. He can make fire (probably by rubbing his thighs together), but chooses not to. In actuality, they are all living up to their hype. Sue 'Stawks' Hawk said it was ok to drink the water, because she'd "drunk water out of an unfiltered river in Canada, eh, and it had beaver poop in it." God help us.

Ok. There’s no excuses this time around. Can’t someone figure out that you can use eyeglasses to help make fire? Hey, Kathy, what’s that you’re wearing on your face?

It didn't take long for alliances to be formed, some obvious (Rudy and Rupert) and some not. The Robfather (‘the brains of the outfit’) has hooked up with the evil Succubus’ sidewench from Australia, Amber. "She's beautiful, obviously; any idiot can see that. But I'll keep my word no matter what to her. I trust her; I don't think she's going to screw me," mused Rob. Unfortunately, for Amber, I don't think the reverse holds true. Can’t wait for that candid night photography!
As everyone has predicted, the previous winners have the biggest targets on them. But wouldn't it make more sense to take a previous winner into the Final Two...they'd never get the votes.

Anyway, the first to go is Tina. But don't cry for her. She still received $25,000 as the first one booted. And where the hell are you going with those torches, SABOGA? No fire for you – 3 days!!