September 24, 2004
Middle East Guide To Survivor:
Episode 2: "Blah, Blah, Black Sheep"
by Honest Achmed
Greetings, all of you capitalist American pigs!!
I must admit, my clan is hooked. It is again Friday morning, Middle Eastern time, and again my tent is full of those wishing to watch this insane, yet somehow strangely addictive, television show called "Survivor: Vanuatu." Once again, I, Honest Achmed, Salesman of the Sahara, am here to provide you with the commentary and insights that only one of my people can provide. We'll see if these crazy Americans can do any better this week, or will the diabolical host Jeff Probst continue to gleefully wreak havoc on their pathetic existence?
Everyone is making their own preparations. Ismira, my fourth wife and longtime "Survivor" fan, has procured more of these cloths known as "buffs." She has set about decorating my favorite camel! I hold my tongue; if Honest Omar sees this, I will be the laughingstock of my tribe and I will have to shoot the camel. However, Ismira is now wearing her buff across her midsection as she learned by watching the American women last week. I am not displeased with this, and I may even have Ismira purchase some for my other wives. Cousin Radul has obtained one as well, but is wearing his as a loincloth. This disturbs me...
Cousin Radul has just discovered that our wide-screen HDTV has a feature called "picture-in-picture." We can watch two American television shows at once!! Yamiin, my third wife and the most stable of my clan, says this is excess, and we must be careful not to succumb to these Western vices. However, I don't see her averting her eyes when Survivor Brady takes his shirt off! Anyway, Cousin Radul is insisting we watch some new show he has discovered about a group of men helping another man to become stylish. I forget the name, but we have since disabled that feature of our television.
Cousin Hassim and I continue to work on ideas for "Survivor: The Sahara." Right now, he has shown me his idea for a challenge involving throwing scimitars, locusts, and four gallons of petroleum jelly. I do not want to think about this one... I have already quashed his idea for burying the Survivors in the sand and letting fire ants attack them! He is eagerly awaiting this new episode; I have not seen him this excited since Yasser Arafat spoke at his Rotary Club meeting!
I, on the other hand, am developing a line of "Survivor: The Sahara" action figures. They will be available in my shop soon!
Well, enough of this foolishness. Some thoughts from last week... Apparently, our dearly departed Brook created an alliance with two significant flaws. One, he didn't keep it secret enough; and two, the alliance only had three people in it! Now, that alliance is down to two (can it even be called an alliance any more?) and Ismira's boy toy Brady has shown himself to be out of the loop by casting a wasted vote. I have seen enough clan politics to know that all these things spell trouble. On the women's side, we see a puberty / menopause split developing, with some of the players stuck in the middle. No one on Yasur has had to officially choose sides yet for a vote; will that happen tonight? I am as anxious as an Imam in Mecca; let's get started!!
It's morning, Day 4. The men of Lopevi are staring at an empty fire pit. Perhaps they have some superpowers we are not aware of, and by sheer concentration, sparks will ignite. To no one's suprise, this does not happen, and the men are feeling so low they could eat worms. So they do. After their delicious subterranean snack, they decide that they don't have quite enough blisters yet, so they return to the tried and true method that worked so well a couple of days earlier. Despite everyone's best efforts to quench it, a fire almost starts. Ismira says that this would have been a Survivor first, actually starting a fire by rubbing wood together. Who are these people, and from what country club do they come?
Chris complains that this environment is very tough. Cousin Hassim begins making obscene gestures at the television set. I am afraid I agree with Hassim. This is only day 4! Four days without water in the Sahara leaves a man dead and shriveled; Chris definitely does not look shriveled. We shall see in time.
Over at the Yasur camp, Lisa is leading the others in the building of a cheerleading pyramid. No, wait, they are attempting to climb a tree to harvest some not-yet-ripe plantains. Lisa shimmies up the tree (having watched Brady, I am sure) while wielding a machete with one hand. Her, shall we say, "womanly charms" are jostling as she climbs. I am thinking to myself, please be careful. One careless swipe of that machete and there will be silicone everywhere!
Members of the "Puberty Posse" are spending the day complaining about the horrible living conditions. Eliza moans and complains about how this is like a prison. Right, it's Abu Ghraib all over again! Mia Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is whines that this is "a thousand times harder" than she expected. Apparently, she thought she had signed up for "The Bachelor." My wife Yamiin scoffs, and says obviously the woman has never given birth. Score one point for Yamiin!
Allah then curses these ungrateful females by causing maggots to suddenly infest their newly-harvested plantains. However, these maggots have already been boiled, so really they're nothing more than nutritious garnish. Still, many of the women are repulsed. Twila the "Eunnuch-Maker" continues to munch 'n crunch while Dolly has a nervous breakdown. Much hugging and female-type-stuff ensues. Twila simply says these girls should go back to the Holiday Inn or stop complaining. Hands down, Twila is my favorite female contestant. (Note to self: Check to see if Twila is married. She would be perfect for keeping my other wives in line!)
Over at Lopevi, Bubba and Big John are apparently walking back from the bathroom together (I though only women did that). Big John asks if his name came up before Tribal Council. Bubba, in a brilliant stalling move, says, "You mean, this last one?" Excuse me, how many Tribal Councils have there been? The two men argue briefly about game strategy, with Big John apparently not grasping the concept that the point of this game is to ELIMINATE people.
We move ahead to another competition. This one has two narrow beams suspended out from the beach over the water. With an evil grin, Jeff Probst explains the rules. One by one, the contestants must pass each other on the beams to the finish platform. The first team to complete all members wins. More balancing!!! This does not bode well for our friend Chris. Ismira is at the rear of the tent doing the "Church Lady" dance.
The game begins. Ismira stops dancing long enough to watch as a shirtless Brady embraces seven other sweaty men on his way to the finish platform. The women begin moving against each other on the beam as well, hugging, grabbing and rubbing various body parts against one another. Cousin Radul excuses himself to go to the bathroom.
John K., or "Little John", evidently misinterprets this as an aquatic version of "King of the Sand Dune," and manages to throw almost every single one of his teammates into the water as he works his way past them. Probst keeps making him start over, and the women steadily increase their lead. Last onto the platform, Mia does a victory shimmy-move across the beam onto the platform. Has she been taking lessons from Ismira? Once again, the women of Yasur claim the victory. They take home a hammock, some pillows, and some blankets as a reward. Probst, showing his delightfully darker side, taunts the men with a flint, but won't let them have it.
Back at camp, Rory complains that he didn't like the dance that Twila was doing. The men say is wasn't Twila. Trust them, they say; if Twila had done that dance, they would ALL be complaining. Rory is still very upset at the women's taunting, and storms off to be alone. Ismira says he wouldn't be complaining if someone named "Ghandia" had done that dance. She then begins singing "Baby Got Back" until the commercial break is over.
A new day dawns, and the women are busy cooking when a wild chicken strays into camp. Obviously, no one has told the chicken that these women are starving. Lisa, the Great Plantain Hunter, grabs the trusty machete and begins stalking the fleeing poultry into the forest. We laugh as we watch nine women try to outsmart one chicken. Eventually, they track their prey to its lair, and discover it has laid several eggs. Although the chicken gets away, the women grab the eggs. Without even a thought to the whole pro-life / pro-choice debate, they throw the eggs into boiling water to cook them.
Dolly, apparently, has spent too much time near sheep and is in desperate need of someone to talk to. She begins talking to everyone about who people are thinking of voting for. The expression "showing all your cards" comes to mind. She tells Twila that she was being considered, and the two agree to vote for Eliza. They pinky-swear on it. I'm sure THAT will hold for a long time... Twila cautions Dolly to be quiet and not blab the plan to everyone. Will Dolly take this advice? Probably not.
With that, it's time for another challenge. Torturing of the Survivors is taken to a new level as the teams are blindfolded and then tied together in small groups. I believe Hamas used to do this back in the eighties. With one person as their guide, they must search for puzzle pieces on land and in the water. Sending blindfolded people into the water? I am loving this! Where are the sharks? Once all the puzzle pieces are collected, the first team to complete their puzzles will win Immunity from tonight's vote.
Sarge is the caller for Lopevi. That makes sense. Scout is the caller for Yasur. That does not. Why not choose the player already recognized as having the biggest mouth? Instead, Eliza is blindfolded. Sarge begins barking very precise orders, like "9 o'clock!! Four paces!! Stop!" while Scout hollers out directions like, "Well, it's right over there..."
Much mayhem ensues. Teams slam into each other and trip over branches. Eliza has a close encounter with a puzzle piece and gives herself a hysterectomy. Twila goes head-on with a huge Tiki statue. I think the statue lost! The men gain a respectable lead. If they don't do something quick, they may win! Rory tries chanting to throw off Sarge's calling, but then remembers that they WANT to win. Oops, sorry. The men get all their puzzle pieces first, then go on to complete the puzzles and win the challenge! Sarge celebrates by doing some vaguely lude dance / gesture thing. Cousin Hassim wants to go "upside Ismira's head." I don't know what this means.
The men finally get their flint, and the women are sent back to camp to wallow in self-pity. At the Yasur camp, Dolly continues her blab-a-thon. She is unsure of which person to vote for, Eliza or Leanne? She tells everyone of her dilemma, including the chicken in the forest. Talking this much in any game involving strategy is NEVER a good move.
When Ami, Leanne and Scout get word that Leanne is being considered as a possible boot, they are understandably upset. Talking with Eliza, they concoct a plan to boot Dolly instead. Eliza is unsure, but wisely decides to keep HER mouth shut for a change.
It's time for Tribal Council. Probst gives them the speech about "fire being life." I don't know; where I come from, WATER is life. Anyway, he tries to throw blame at Scout for screwing up the challenge, but she expertly deflects his question. Twila says that four of the tribemates have been working, but the others are working "in their own areas." I guess she means the areas of exfoliation, sunbathing, and the ever-important swimsuit competition.
Probst asks Dolly about the vote. As she drones on and on about how she is the important swing vote and how everyone loves her, I am envisioning a huge sign above her head that reads "Clueless! Clueless!" To shut her up, they begin voting. Not a lot is said during voting, so we'll see what happens. The votes are read...
The first three are for Leanne, as she hangs her head. Mia and Julie are looking smug. Then, a vote for Dolly. Mia and Julie look puzzled. Eliza is keeping her mouth shut. Another vote for Dolly. Mia looks back at Julie, "HUH?" Lisa is beginning to look nervous. As the third vote for Dolly is read, Mia is wetting her pants. Eliza has puppy-dog eyes, but is wisely still keeping her mouth shut.
The final vote is 5-4; Dolly is going home. I guess Eliza just couldn't stand someone talking more than her. However, this intelligent girl just aligned herself with a group that already doesn't like her, when she could've kept the "Puberty Posse" together. Maybe not the smartest move...
Next week; Mia is upset (probably because she wet her pants at Tribal Council). Twila has had enough of it. Catfight! Catfight! On the men's side, Rory is upset about something, again. Some people never learn when to shut up!!!
Until next time, peace be with you. And remember; no matter how bad things get, always keep your head up! That way, you can see the grenades coming your way...
Honest Achmed
Trader of the Desert Sands
For questions, comments, death threats, or the current whereabouts of Osama bin Laden, contact Honest Achmed: honest_achmed@yahoo.com or Ismira: survivor_ismira@yahoo.com
Silence Of The Lamb
I thought I would be saaaaaad about Dolly leaving. I feel loss, seeing as she is my hometown girl. The thing is, I understaaaaaand why they voted her out. When you're nice to everyone, genuinely nice, there's a chaaaance that your alliance would switch at any given time. It was nice to see the guys win, a deserved win, as they worked together awesomely.
Also, I'm beginning to become strangely attracted to JP. Not Probst -- the OTHER JP. Obviously, my love for Probst is not straaaange.
Without further ado, here is my scorecaaaard on our favorite Vaaaanuatuans for Episode Two.
AMI
She gets one of my Smart Awards of the week. The smart move being getting it into Eliza's head that she'd be a fool to vote with her sorority pals. I like the fact Ami's presence has been subtle as it probably means she isn't going anywhere. When you don't make a big scene, but are visible enough that Dolly knows who you are, that's probably a good place to stay. And looking at it as an advantage down the road, Ami still looks as good as she ever did in Playboy. Hugh would be beaming.
ELIZA
My other Smart Award goes to Eliza. Let me state clearly that I never expected to be giving any positive feedback to her, but my mind has been changed. I thought that the Omega Beta Zeta alliance could never be broken up. Funny how that changes when conspiracy lies within. The interesting thing now will be if Eliza sticks with the older ladies. If she goes crawling back to Mia and Julie, somewhere down the road, she's toast. At this point Eliza's only chance to win might be an alliance with guys. She could certainly give them two good reasons to keep her around. *wink, wink*
JULIE
She and Mia are both on the same platform right now, but I'll give props to Jules since she is "good cop". I like her, I like her spunk. I would really love to see Julie stick around, but some scrambling will have to be done. She was good at sweet talking Dolly, she might have to sweet talk Eliza now. No matter how the cards fall, you're looking at a potential tie situation and it might honestly be in Julie's favor to stick with the majority and hold out until merge time. The men should at least appreciate Julie's "assets".
LEANN
Thank God for small miracles. I am obviously a Leann fan and last night's episode almost crushed me. I still see good odds for her, but she has got to realize that putting yourself out there is bad, but making yourself scarce is bad too. Socializing does play into the game whether you want it to or not. Leann works hard and that's one thing going for her but she needs to let people get to know her. That way, if the older women ARE targeted, a challenge liability like Scout has a redder bullseye than hers.
LISA
I *knew* she would do the idiotic thing and vote with the younger girls. Crazy thing is, Lisa is far from an idiot. Somehow though, the good ol' days of LSU flooded her mind and she thought she was 21 again. It was all just a dream Lisa. Welcome back to 5-3 reality. Look on the bright side. At least they *expected* you to vote that way. *sigh* It will be hard for any of the other older women to trust Lisa after this. She doesn't act her age and she's going to have to tone that down if she plans on staying.
MIA
My dislike of Eliza has shifted Mia's way. If she rolls her eyes ONE MORE TIME. I'm sure she's not a bad person, but as far as the game is concerned she's playing very stupid. It doesn't matter if you like people or not, you have to try to get along with them, maybe even have an alliance with them if you expect to go anywhere. Acting like a spoiled brat and complaining all the time can only take you so far. Didn't Mia ever watch the show? Eight seasons have got to teach you something.
SCOUT
She's likeable, she's hardworking, and she has a knack for being Yasur's splinter in challenges. The logistics of that immunity challenge couldn't be more simple. There are twelve pieces. If you count them as they're brought in, you'd know how many are still out there. I was in shock that Scout's name was not brought up in voting discussions. I like her, but her inability to handle challenges concerns me. Unless they can sit her out in every key challenge which is, well, all of them -- Yasur is in big trouble.
TWILA
I'm really beginning to like Twila more and more. She's got fire and isn't afraid to let the young whippersnappers know what's on her mind. Not only that, but she has proven she is an asset at camp and at the challenges which any smart person can see as a valuable thing. She's still a bit unsafe next week considering the possibility of a tie, but I'm hopeful. Amy, Leann and Scout definitely have her back.
BRADY
*drools* It's a good thing I didn't have to climb over him on the balance beam. We would have both fallen into the water. I guarantee it. Ahem, anyways. I think Brady is playing it cool. He's in a good position and no one seems to be perceiving him as a threat except JP who probably only HOPES Brady is a threat so that his ass doesn't get voted off. I may not have had high hopes for him pre-show, but I am happy to say Hunter's Revenge is still on.
CHAD
I can't say too much about Chad because he wasn't in this episode much. I *was* worried though when he was having trouble on the balance beam. That scene almost had challenge liability written all over it. But then again, it doesn't seem anyone gets voted off for messing up a challenge these days.
CHRIS
Again, not much action. Bodes well for him that he almost got voted off at TC1 and he has now slipped under the radar. It'll be interesting to see how far Chris actually bounces back.
JK
Either JK was really worried about falling in the water, or he was having a manly love moment. Either way, he played a big part in the men losing reward. I doubt this will hurt him, but being in the minority alliance might. JP is definitely a bigger target though so all he has to do is keep his mouth shut and hope he gets traded to Camp Estrogen.
JP
Talking to Travis? Smart. Noticing Rory pissing everyone off? Smart. Continuing to pay close attention and pick up on every little crack in the tribe's makeup? Worth one million dollars.
LEA
I just love the Sarge. He was the perfect candidate to call out orders during the immunity challenge and he came out on the sunny side in his disagreement with Rory. Everyone seems to have a ton of respect for him and it would appear he isn't going anywhere for a while.
RORY
I am not sure where he got his strategy from, but I can promise it won't work. Loud, opinionated people don't last long, especially in a tribe full of men. If Rory stays, it's only cause someone like JP thinks he can be used for some evil purpose. It sure as hell ain't gonna be cause everyone likes having him around.
TRAVIS
Bubba has been a lot of fun. I'm really surprised at how well he fits into the tribe considering he doesn't have a whole lot in common with everyone. I guess you could call him a Tom Buchanan. Bodes well for Travis when you consider where Big Tom finished in each of two Survivor seasons.
And as for Dolly, she was unfortunately naive strategy wise and probably didn't think about how word gets around. Nor did she realize that you cannot openly play two sides. You'd think they'd both fight for your vote, but its a lot easier to turn the tables on the middle man so that both sides stay intact. The only truly stupid thing Dolly said out there was that she'd stick with the younger girls because they could have more fun. That's just Dolly being naive again. You're supposed to have some fun, but that's not what the game is about. It's not easy to have fun when the person you're talking and laughing with could be plotting to vote your ass out the next day. It's the cruel, twisted world of Mark Burnett.
Next week, the main focal point is the double tribal council. On the men's side, Rory would seem like the clear choice, JP being second but you never know who is going to piss who off. I mentioned a possible tie over on the women's side. If it's not a tie, I think either Mia or Twila will go. There's a war between those two and someone has to win.
My moment of the week: Julie and Mia looking down at the beach and noticing Eliza sitting with Ami and Leann and thinking there's nothing to worry about. Ladies, you ever watch Survivor? You see anyone talking off to the side like that, I don't care if it's your best friend, BE suspicious. Lesson learned. I hope.
See ya'll laaaaater.
September 21, 2004
They Came at us with Spears ... and then wandered away.
After noticing there were 18 castmates instead of the usual 16, though only an hour for us to get to know them, and with commercials this week claiming the first ten minutes were going to be insanely shocking, I expected:
They Came at us with Spears…and then wandered away.
After noticing there were 18 castmates instead of the usual 16, though only an hour for us to get to know them, and with commercials this week
claiming the first ten minutes were going to be insanely shocking, I expected:
- The people with spears might injure someone, causing an extremely early first elimination,
- The last 2 people to shore would be eliminated,
- Both tribes would find they’d live together, though compete against each other,
- Jeff Probst to fall in a volcano, or
- A crossover with another reality show.
Instead, we got something that was just, as Buffy sang in Once More With Feeling, “Going through the motions/walking through the part/nothing seems to penetrate my heart.” Survivor has to walk a fine line between giving us comforting tradition, and boring sameness.
We begin, as usual, with dramatic shots of Probst standing on the lip of a smoking volcano, belching out industrial-grade clouds, sharply contrasting with his neat tan. It almost looked blue-screened, to be honest, and I found it a touch distracting. He basically did his standard “We’re back, 39 days, 18 people, 1 survivor” shtick, which to me is as essential as “The tribe has spoken.” In other words, let’s put on a show!
Credit for the credits
There seemed to be more of a rapid-cut style in the edits, both with Probst’s welcome and during the credits, perhaps to go with the heavier “tribal” drum sound. I don’t know what the lack of tribe-definition in the credits means, as the web site gave away the boys-vs.-girls “twist.”
They came at us with boats!
When the “natives” came at the Americans, we had a return of the war-drums. Nahh, I don’t sense any exploitation at all! And the contestants just standing around open-mouthed, radiating passivity, until Wonder-Probst comes to rescue them, with tales of a “rite of passage” and flutes on the soundtrack. Although he uses “impact” as a verb, a verbal tic that should be solely reserved for dentists, by his upright posture on the boat we are clearly meant to see him as the godlike guide who will point the hero (whoever he or she may be) on the proper path for the quest.
We finally get an interview clip of a contestant, Mia, simply stating she’s nervous. However, in a Campbellian myth, the hero is at first always reluctant, so this makes me want to keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, with eight other women, I honestly lose sight of her the rest of the episode, unless I refer specifically to my notes.
Our second speaker is Travis, in a Bob Barker tee shirt. He talks about having only learned to swim six weeks ago, and so we get the expected punchline – his boat tips over. Well, it’s nice to have the jester identified early on. Like the fools in royal courts, often they are the only ones who dare speak the truth, so they’re always worth watching.
Once the all make it safely to shore, the titular Men With Spears menace everyone – except Rory, the sole African American in this season. Rory is also the first person to get a second interview comment. This much exposure can either mean there’s a limited time to show footage of him, because he’s out soon (which is what I expected after the find-the-beach flap), or because he’s so dang fascinating we’ll want to hear his comments constantly. Unfortunately, though he survives the first episode, we see more evidence of Rory’s outsider status, throughout the hour.
Pre-law student Eliza is another frequent commenter throughout the episode. With her, I admit, I pray it’s because she’s out soon, but I fear instead she is being made into the villainess. The women’s tribe (as we’ll see in the next act) quickly divides into young vs. old, and there appear to be more of the young. In other words, she could be a villain with a power base.
Sensitive, or Vanuatupliotation?
As she describes the ceremonial dance, I think of a “sensitivity training” presentation a friend went to. The man sat on a stool, the woman on the ground, and the man pushed the woman’s head to the ground. When asked what they thought, the audience complained about how it was subjecting women and terrible. But the ritual was, it was explained, because women were closer to Mother Earth, but men had to stay at a remove, but they can assist women in getting closer to the earth. In other words, the supposedly more “enlightened” audience members were the ones reading a negative meaning into things.
However, Survivor is a show for American audiences and American contestants with American worldviews. So even if the men got kava and pig’s blood and a magic rock, and the women were spared the lip-numbing and pole-climbing because they “have their own blood” or whatever, and if women were to be honored, I didn’t see it. And, probably as the producers expected, this simply strengthened the men vs. women team spirit. But still, the blood theme is emphasized (though the men get the blood-red buffs). Right before the first commercial, Mia states “we’re out for blood now.”
Map? We don’t need no stinkin’ map
We get more stereotypical gender dynamics when we return to each tribe attempting to find their beach. The women are epitomizing passive-aggressive, claiming they “don’t want to be a leader, but….” while Eliza narrates that they need a leader. Rory halts the men’s tribe, saying directly to the others “Let’s try this other plan.” OK, I admit it was a stupid plan (as they were to camp on a beach, and he wished to explore trails leading away from the water), but at least they all directly addressed it. They continue walking as they had been, and appear to immediately find camp, further cementing Rory’s outsider status. The editors cut back to the girls finding their flag, and cheering. We have no way of knowing how far away the camps were (Well, if someone really wants, I’ll track down the information on various survivor sites) and how long they walked. Still, I find it curious that the editors decided to show us the men successful first, perhaps to give us the impression of the women as “underdogs” to lead up to the challenge.
After some gorgeous night and day shots of the sky, surf, and clouds, we see we’re still at the girl’s camp. Though one of the men at the ceremony said he’s relieved to not have to fool women, as they stick together while men start competing against each other immediately, we see that in this tribe anyway, he would have done well. The tribe has immediately split into what appears to be Scout, Twila, Leann as the older crew, the worker crew and the bathing sorority girls. Scout comments about Eliza’s constant chatter, which the audience has already seen. Though Eliza so far appears to have numerical superiority, are we being led to see Scout has having wisdom and leadership? Only an immunity challenge loss will tell, and we’re not there yet.
When we go back to the boy’s camp, they appear to all be working together on creating fire and mispronouncing “embers.” Unfortunately, working together doesn’t seem to mean working smarter, as they are unable to transfer the embers to kindling. There are a surprising number of shots of the good luck rock, making me wonder if it’s flint.
In interviews, we see individuals snapping at each other, but we don’t get a sense of cliques. Chad reveals his prosthetic foot (alas, he didn’t get the sparkler toenail option), and everyone is suitably inspired. Brady (the greased-pole-climber/FBI agent) says in a self depreciating tone that he’s jealous: Chad has everything he has and a sympathy vote. Brook, in one of the few times I see him this episode, ironically states that a guy can be inspiring, he’ll still vote him out. (Acmebraintrust successfully predicted he’d be first out.) With that final thought, we go to commercial.
Flame on!
After commercials, there’s a beautiful shot of the mouth of a volcano shooting up fire and sparks – definitely a hint that the traditional “Quest for Fire” is on its way. And also a gorgeous shot. I need to write a play featuring a volcano, perhaps. Or perhaps a performance art piece, with me dressed as a superhero making marionettes bellydance in front of a giant screen showing shots of volcanoes … but I digress.
At the challenge, the immunity idol is a spear. Hmmmm. The challenge itself is 4 parts: crawl through a mudpit, solve a box maze, cross a balance beam, and create a fire (with matches). The mudpit could favor the men, with more upper body strength to haul themselves forward, but they also have more of a body to haul through. It seems towards the end of the mudpits, as Probst points out the women are working together, then the men pull ahead. The women are instructed to “drag” Scout to the mat. This does not look good for Scout’s longevity in the game. Again at the box maze, Probst mentions something about the women are working together, and the men win it.
The balance beam, traditionally favoring women, is where it gets interesting. The men have a few falls, but they also get a few men across before the women start. The men start to crawl along it, one at a time, and this time, the women steal their strategy, only with several on the beam at once. Scout is the last on the beam, and if Chris had won, it would reinforce the old vs. young theme, but instead, he falls (repeatedly), and she makes it through.
As the women win, they cheer. I’m not talking about the victorious yell: I’m talking about a planned chant. This makes me hate them. The men are then shown walking in groups of 2 or 3, armchair quarterbacking, while the women are still jumping. We fade to commercial with alternate shots of Chris walking off into the sunset and girls still cheering. Yes, they have flint and immunity, but the group-hug-jumping makes me think the editors want me to dislike them. And so I shall.
Who should go?
Back from commercial, we now have a more subdued shot of the volcano, showing only embers, not flames or lava. This echoes the ember they didn’t know what to do with, the dark torches they’ll carry back to camp, and the fact that I still can only tell a few of the players on either tribe apart. (I also sense the editors are telling me I should look up some geology sites).
As Chris goes off, others discuss booting him. Lea has apparently mastered the art of appearing to agree with people, without making a firm statement either way. This should serve him well in the game, and I sense a potential Iago here. Like in the girl’s tribe, there’s an old vs. young dynamic, but not as pronounced. And while Rory is named as a target, I don’t believe he’s in any vote discussions or confessionals. Again, this portion of the episode, normally deeply satisfying as we see various potential paths play out, because I still don’t know who everyone is, I feel muddled. I had hoped the editors would provide clear guidance, but they have failed me. I can see why Rory could be a target, but there’s no convincing case for the others.
The tribe has spoken, but why?
We have some great orange and black sunset shots, interspersed with shots of skulls and the river, taking us into tribal council. After the customary Fire is Life speech, Probst asks directly who wants Chris out (for his immunity loss). I am glad he addressed this head on, as typically tribes do vote out people who lost a very specific challenge, though they don’t repeat challenges until the tribes merge. Chris managed a nice deflection by stating that Rory “for example” was bothering people – indirectly isolating Rory a touch more. This made me worry that Acmebraintrust was wrong, and Rory was out, because the show has to make some sort of sense, right? Probst also asks what they thought of the women, and while some made diplomatic remarks about underestimating them, and changing the game, Brook states something about their “nice tails.”
At the actual voting book, we see Brook and Chris voting against each other, and Brady voting for Rory. Had anyone else voted for Rory, or if this had been season 1, that could have made sense, but I’m losing my love for the FBI man. Instead of an action movie hero, he is perhaps a romantic, idealistic hero like Cleante, the son in Moliere’s The Miser.
As the votes are read, whenever there’s a cut to Chris, there’s a grim smile-and-nod. At this moment he reminds me of a hero in a Western: he knows he has to take his hits, but the right thing will win out in the end. When Brook’s votes are read, he’s first serious, then nodding, then blinking. Again, I’m assuming the editors are feeling free to rearrange the order of events slightly, so reaction shots are inserted to communicate character, rather than necessarily what truly happened. I interpreted the path of Brook’s reactions to be first showing he was a touch surprised/concerned, then trying to “take it like a man” with his nodding, but the final blinks indicated he was ultimately surprised.
In Brook’s final words, my favorite part is where he admits “I didn’t learn anything about myself.” Neither did the viewers. Still, he served admirably as a disposable spear-carrier, I supposed.
What did we learn?
This was sort of an unusual episode, as all first ones are, because they serve more as the first act to the season than a satisfying self-contained one. Unlike sports, no players are retained from the past to give a sense of continuity. I sense that Mia and Lea are being set up as key players, but I’m not sure in what role. I don’t feel I learned much about storycraft either, which is disappointing. Please, feel free to write me at survivorstoryteller@webpixie.com to tell me what I’m missing.
Until next week ...
April Walters
September 17, 2004
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday Mypoody. Congratulations on turning 14.
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Middle East Guide To Survivor:
Episode 1: "Up the Shaft, Across the Shaft, Getting the Shaft"
by Honest Achmed
Greetings, all of you capitalist American pigs!!
The big day has finally arrived! I, Honest Achmed, entrepreneur of all things legal and otherwise, trader of the desert sands, am preparing to give you my Middle Eastern view on this American phenomenon called "Survivor." I have gathered my wives and cousins in my humble tent (the one with the satellite dish on top) and we are eagerly awaiting the adventures of these crazy Americans!
Cousin Radul is busy positioning the satellite dish. Earlier, he spent hours moving it about, finally managing to tune in to something called "Will & Grace." We let him watch for a while, but I will have to talk to some of the tribal elders about his rather erratic behavior. Wait a minute... Radul, that's not "Survivor", that's Ellen DeGeneres!!! Hopefully, he will have the dish oriented in time for the show. If he does not, I will suggest that his hands be cut off.
Ismira, my fourth wife, is excited beyond belief. For those of you who don't know Ismira, she has been a secret "Survivor" fan for years, and finally gets to see an episode instead of reading about it on the Internet. She has been dancing around the sand dunes all afternoon in unadulterated joy. A band of wandering nomads paused for a while to watch her dance, but when she started doing something she calls the "Big Tom", their camels fled into the wilderness. I am obliged to offer them some of mine in repayment. I shall have to speak with Ismira about this.
My fourth wife has also replaced her customary veil with an unusual piece of cloth she refers to as a "buff." Apparently, Ismira has been experimenting with the capitalist concept of "Internet Shopping." She says my business would do better if I used something called "Eebaye." I told her I don't smoke anything that is not grown in the Middle East. I also told her that this new cloth "buff" was not flattering, but she will not take it off until I buy her some peanut butter and chocolate. I must admit, I am confused by this.
Yamiin, my third wife, has been working in the tent, preparing food for us all day. Roasted lamb, pomegranate, cous-cous; the buffet she prepares is the best in the Third World! Yamiin is also the one who keeps me in line when I become irate at the fat, lazy, American pigs... See what I mean? If not for her, I might turn into Cousin Hassim!
Speak of the djinn, Cousin Hassim has just skulked into the tent. He expressed no interest in watching this event with us until he heard Ismira telling tales of "lying, backstabbing, stealing, and genuine nastiness." Now, he sits in front of the HDTV at the rear end of the tent, rubbing his hands like a small child and carrying a piece of paper with which to take notes. Please, no one tell Hassim that the ban on assault weapons has just been lifted... Allah, I am surrounded by the infirmed!
Finally, Radul has gotten the satellite dish into place (after a brief stop for a "Rosie O'Donnell" rerun), and the television signal is clear. Everyone has settled onto the floor with their bowls of dried dates, ready to watch. Away we go!!
The show's opening sequence looks promising. Lots of shots of fiery volcanoes. Pictures of fat, lazy Americans grimacing in pain. I am liking this already. Jeff Probst is standing on the rim of a volcano, snubbing his nose at nature. He is already my favorite character so far.
On with the game... The eighteen survivors are on a yacht, off the coast of one of the islands of Vanuatu, gawking at the dark-skinned natives on the shoreline. The natives, surprisingly, are gawking back. The natives, however, are ARMED. With a shout, they board their little wooden boats and rush out to meet the American invaders. But wait, they are only bringing Jeff Probst out to meet the survivors. Oh, what a revered man to merit such an entourage!!
The castaways are thrown into the canoes, and immediately Bubba tips his boat over, throwing his companions into the water. He also admits that he only recently learned how to swim. Ismira is hanging her head in dismay. This does not bode well for the Bob Barker fan. No one else makes a fool of themselves, and the contestants are brought ashore for further humiliation.
Once on land, the natives begin threatening the survivors with spears, ultimately forcing them into groups of men and women. The survivors seem unsure of how to react to this rather shocking development. Cousin Hassim has many suggestions; he is frantically shouting, "Kill them! Kill them!" Once seated, the men are treated with respect, while the women are treated like, well... women. Strangely, the American women do not take kindly to this.
Some of the survivors talk to the television cameras privately during these scenes. Ismira says this is a "confessional." I do not hear the telling of any sins, but nonetheless, it provides insight. Chris says he's glad the tribes are separated into men versus women; it will be easier to outwit a group of men than women. This time, I agree with him. When my wives unite and gang up on me, Allah help me!
A live pig is brought in to be slaughtered. Now this is more like Middle East television! Many contestants are shocked by this, but Dolly seems to take it in stride. Apparently, she slaughters animals on a regular basis. I shall have to watch this woman! The blood is then smeared on the men's faces, and again, the women are forgotten. This time, they don't seem to mind.
The tribal chief orders one of his warriors to place a sacred stone atop a pole greasd in pig fat. Brady, the FBI agent, is ordered to retrieve it. If the men fail, the women will be given the prize by default. It hardly seems fair, but Brady gives it a try. I hold my breath; if the men fail, I will never hear the end of it! To my relief, Brady grunts his way up the pole and grabs the stone on his first try. Upon seeing his muscular arms and legs wrapped tightly around the climbing pole, Ismira is speechless for several minutes.
After much ado, the tribes are named "Yasur" after the volcano and "Lopevi" after... well, they really didn't say. Jeff sends them off to find their camps in the rain, in the dark, with no light, no protection, no map. He is definitely my hero! The newly-formed tribes trudge off in the darkness. To my surprise, even after being told that all they had to do was follow the shore to find a huge flag on the beach, both tribes think they are lost!! I shake my head in disbelief; how would they find their camps in the middle of "Survivor: The Sahara"? Eventually, after much bickering on the part of both tribes, they each find their campsites... exactly where Jeff said they would be! Yasur and Lopevi settle down for the night.
It's now Day 2, and it's time to see how these Americans fare with obtaining the basic necessities of life; shelter, fire, water, food, concubines... The women of Yasur are beginning to construct what appears to be a promising shelter. Some of the women, led by Twila the "Eunnuch-Maker", are hard at work while the "Bowheads"(Scout's word, not mine) are lounging around in the water like my father-in law's harem. Already, this tribe looks to be split along a line of work ethics. Is it only Day 2? Ismira is rolling her eyes. Eliza is worried that not working enough is making her look bad. Yes indeed, her vaunted intellignce is certainly shining though. According to Scout (who is Cousin Radul's favorite), Eliza talks way too much. Yet another sign of extreme intelligence... (Yamiin is stepping in now, I must move on.) My father-in law says it is sometimes better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. I think he read that in a book somewhere.
Over at Lopevi, the men are trying to start a fire. They are using the time-honored tradition of rubbing sticks together. Unfortunately, this is really only a time-honored tradition for getting blisters. JP, or "Big John," says they had a "Hot Amber" once, but it went away. He says they were excited to see this "Hot Amber." Ismira says if an "Amber" was really there, she could give them strategy suggestions. Ismira is the only one who laughs at this.
At some point during the day, Chad decides the time is right to show the other men his prosthetic leg. He tells them about his cancer, and although they are very supportive, secretly Brady laments that this infirmity could gain him a sympathy vote. I am shouting at the screen, "Don't fall into the Bedouin's trap!" For Ismira's sake, I do not want to see Brady eliminated soon. Brook says that although he respects Chad, he will not hesitate to vote him off when he needs to. Now that is smart thinking.
Both tribes receive poetic messages hinting at a game involving a reward of fire. I am hoping that Jeff Probst will lead them all into the volcano we saw at the beginning of the show, but alas, it was not to be. The tribes meet at a huge obstacle course involving mud, puzzles, balance beams, and fire pits. Apparently, Americans have some fascination with women and mud. Ismira begins giggling, and says the men will never master the balance beam.
The race begins, and soon everyone is through the mud, taking half of it with them. Both teams finish the puzzle portion of the race, and then are off to the balance beams. After a few failed attempts to cross on foot, both teams decide to cross the beams like camels in heat. Most of the teams get across, except for Scout for the women and Chris for the men. Scout, the tribe's eldest member, finally makes it across, losing her top. My religion would normally require me to commit suicide upon viewing a naked female who is not my wife, but Allah spared me by miraculously causing the television to malfunction in just the right spot so that I missed the offending material. Praise be!!
Yasur quickly builds a fire with matches and easily wins the challenge. Chris is still trying to cross the balance beam (still not having mastered the "camel-in-heat" move, apparently.) Yasur wins a flint with which to make fire, and also wins the "Immunity Idol." Not to be confused with the "American Idol," this means they are safe tonight. Lopevi, however, will have to meet Jeff Probst tonight and sacrifice one of their own members.
Back at the men's camp, several members want to sacrifice Chris, because he caused their team to lose. Cousin Hassim thinks he should be castrated. Chris seems confident that he is safe, as drill sergeant Lea reports the "Let's Kill Chris" plan to some of the older tribe members. They decide to target Brook as the younger member they want to sacrifice. They give no reason other than the fact that maybe he has a bad haircut.
The men arrive at Tribal Council, which to my dismay is not built on the rim of the volcano. No throwing someone in tonight!! Cousin Hassim really likes the skulls scattered around the place, though. Jeff Probst prolongs the agony by reminding them of the women's victory, and telling them they will still not get fire after tonight. I can see the evil grin on his face as he does so.
He tries to sway the men's vote by saying things like, "So, Chris, you really screwed up today. I think you should go," and, "Rory, you're the only black guy here. I think you should go, too." The men basically avoid his line of questioning and then it's time to vote. To my surprise, the voting is done in secret. Bah!!! Stand up and proclaim to the world who you hate! Let the infidel know you want him dead! But this is not the way Probst does it. A gleam of compassion stills lies within his otherwise black heart; perhaps in time, he will learn to suppress it.
The men each vote. Their comments are relatively tame (probably because they don't know each other well enough yet) and when Jeff reads the votes, the result is... Rory: 1 vote (probably from Jeff), Chris: 3 (The "Let's Kill Chris" Club), Brook: 5. Brook is brought before the tribe. I am expecting Probst to inflict utter humiliation on the man, but he simply snuffs out his torch with an expensive-looking bottle-opener, and Brook leaves down another path. Rather anticlimactic, I thought. In "Survivor: The Sahara", we will shoot them one by one!
Well, I guess Brook's hockey playing skills didn't do him any good. Next week, Rory is mad about something (the vote he got, maybe?), and more whining, moaning, and complaining in the women's camp. We'll see if Jeff Probst concocts any more devious tortures for the Survivors!
Have to go now... Ismira has been drooling on the floor, and Cousin Hassim is busy designing his own set of Immunity Challenges. Must keep these people in line!!
Until next time, peace be with you. And remember; no matter how bad things get, always keep your head up! That way, you can see the grenades coming your way...
Honest Achmed
Trader of the Desert Sands
For questions, comments, death threats, or the current whereabouts of Osama bin Laden, contact Honest Achmed: honest_achmed@yahoo.com or Ismira: survivor_ismira@yahoo.com
Up A Brook, Without A Paddle
Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw. You gotta go to Tribal Council and alliances naturally form. This first episode was SO reminiscent of Amazon, it's scary. In a good way though because Amazon is still my favorite season of Survivor. If I ever said Pearl Islands was, it was for Rupert and Rupert alone.
(Disclaimer: My comments towards the castaways are of how they come across on the show and not of how I think they are in real life. If I choose to go there, I will gleefully say so. *smile* )
In both Amazon and here, two things about the voting were the same. Three different men were voted for -- the bossy guy, the young strong kid, and the guy who screwed the tribe over in the challenge. Even the result was the same. In both cases, the young, strong guy was tossed. Perhaps Brooke, JK and JP didn't see the Amazon parallels. It was a given when the men lost after having a huge lead over the women (sound familiar?) that the island Gods sucked the power out of the lucky stone. Maybe their alliance was blind to the fact that not everyone blamed Chris.
Chris was insanely smart. I hand it to him. He talked to Lea and put the target on someone else's back. If Chris had just sat back and did nothing, I think he would have been gone. Brady was also smart. If he had voted with JK and JP, he would have been sticking his own foot up his ass. He cast a safe vote for Rory, Rory being an outsider. JP and JK can't exactly be mad at him because four votes wouldn't have saved Brook anyways.
On the ladies side, it LOOKS pretty harmonius, but as anyone could tell in parts of the show, it isn't. Scout, Twila and Ami are clearly on one side while Eliza, Julie and Mia appear to be clearly on the other side. Dolly, Leann and Lisa appear to get along with everyone. I want to see a Twila/Eliza catfight. I'd slap 100 bucks down on Twila to win. The difference between the two of them are, Eliza is openly drawing attention to herself. Not a good thing to do.
If we want to stick with Amazon comparisons, let's look at how the ladies did. The Amazon women went to Tribal Council in Episode 2. GranolaGate determined the evictee which turned out to be Janet. Although one could only hope for more confiscated junk food, I don't think that will happen. What COULD happen though is another case of an older woman getting booted. The three vixens along with Deena and Jeanne voted for Janet. The other three votes were mixed. Eliza, Julie and Mia will vote the same. I am almost sure of that. If there is a majority on that side, I think Lisa will vote with the younger girls a la Jeanne. It's a tough call, because in my opinion, I would think Dolly and Leann would lean towards Ami, Scout and Twila. They just seem nice and not catty. I only say Lisa would be in with the younger girls because she used to be a cheerleader and was no doubt a lot like Eliza and company when she was their age.
The vote will be between Eliza and Scout/Twila.
Now for my individual performance reviews. Note that my Smart Awards of the Week go to Brady, Chris, Leann and Dolly.
TRAVIS
I said that he would be okay if he kept his mouth shut and became a sheep. Congrats Mr. Sampson, you make a fine sheep. Way to pull a Big Tom. In a Survivor male's case -- if you can act stupid, you should. I think Bubba looks good so far. He's on the right side. Even if in theoretical boot order JK and JP went next, you still have Rory pissing everyone off. Travis is good for now unless God forbid some big alliance shift comes along which could happen when the ladies and men intermingle. Eliza's Angels won't like Travis. Bubba better bank on his buddies not liking fake sorority girls.
CHRIS
I was worried about Chris and rightly so. I also said he wouldn't sit down and let things go on around him, and he did not. I said Chris would have to be at the head of an alliance to make it work. Do I know Chris Daugherty or what? The odds were against the man and I knew it, but I also knew he had the ability to make it work. He was the only one who could and he MADE IT WORK. The thing you have to understand now is that unless Chris fucks up, I mean, REALLY fucks up -- he's safe now. You rarely save someone that you just plan on booting soon anyways. He now knows who he can trust and who he can't trust (I'm sure Lea told him who was voting for him) so that gives him a one up on everyone else.
DOLLY
Dolly proved she's a sweetheart by wanting to stay with Scout and wait out the rain. She also confused me by playing bath goddesses with Eliza's Angels. After I thought about it though, it's only natural to wanna hang out with girls your own age. And it's especially smart to be friendly with both sides, especially before the first TC and before you can really tell where everyone stands. I don't think she's in any trouble. And I think she'll still be cruising with guys around. Again though, being in the wrong alliance is the only thing that can hurt her.
LISA
I still contend Lisa is someone to watch. She didn't get much airtime and she seemed very under the radar. I don't think anybody even said anything about her. In Survivor, that is a GOOD sign. I look forward to more from her next week.
AMI
I knew that Ami would gravitate towards the "nice" people. It looked likely that she would bond with Scout, all sexual orientation aside. Her game will depend on if she comes out on the side of the majority after Tribal Council. I really want her to stay because I still have hope for an alliance with Brady. They are Hunter and Gina I tell you!
JK
I proclaimed that JK is not going to win. In the first episode, Mark Burnett enhances my conclusion that JK is NOT going to win. He hasn't annoyed anyone yet, but he's kind of out on a wire now. To tell you the truth, he never would have fit in with the other alliance anyways. The dude is dead meat no matter where you go. Bottom line. Oh and HUGE props to JK for being the ONLY person, male or female, to cross the balance beam on foot. Way to go buddy!
JP
He's definitely a player. Rupert knew that too. He made one killer mistake. Know your pack, know your prey. To keep a team strong and united, yes, you should get rid of the weakest link. A) Everyone has a different definition of weak link and; B) Some people in Survivor prefer to get rid of the strongest link. Not to mention Lea was NOT the person to go to. They didn't secure Brady and they didn't consider going to Rory who was obviously in danger too and might have voted with them thinking he had to save himself. In another scenario, I think they could have succeeded in targeting Rory. Chris was not an outsider. Chris was well-liked. He just happened to have poor balance. Chris, who is the high man on the totem pole, doesn't like JP so someone had better light a fire under Rory's butt.
JULIE/MIA
Aka Eliza's Angels. I group these two together right now like I often did Jenna and Heidi because there's really nothing to distinguish the two of them YET. They're both hardcore players, they both like showing off their bodies. I said in my orignial notes that I thought Julie might be a little hostile. She is. A little. They just have to get away from Eliza and do some work around camp. Of course they should be allowed to take a little break here and there but I didn't see them lift a finger except to exfoliate their skin with sand.
TWILA
She's an outcast like I thought, but only in the eyes of the Powerpuff Girls. I think Twila is a hard worker and I hope she sticks around. I can only wish that a majority of the tribe appreciates her contributions.
SCOUT
Scout is definitely a mellowed down Jan from Thailand. Except I actually think Jan was more physical at times. I think she's a sweet lady but unfortunately will be a major liability to the tribe. As long as the challenges are physical, if they keep her around, they're nuts. You don't want to kick out people you like, but you don't want to be Maaramu either. Maybe there will be a lot of mental challenges and she might be able to stay around.
RORY
He is SO the way I thought he'd be. Rory tries to hard and thinks he's smarter than he really is. This leads to him opening his mouth in situations where it should stay firmly shut. Someone has to take charge but you don't so eagerly put the spotlight on yourself. It looks like he's yelling about something else next week too so the wheel just keeps on spinnning. I'm sure Rory is a decent guy but he sure doesn't have the best people skills.
BRADY
Hunter's Reeeveeennnnggee continues! My big point about Brady was him being able to take down JP. He almost SIDED with JP. But, now, this is prime opportunity to flush him out. Brady earned extra points too by retreiving the magic rock from the top of the pole. He's a big physical threat but no one seemed to think so. That bodes very well for him. Not to mention he's... *drools* ... umm... pretty hot.
LEA
Sarge did exactly what he needed to do. He deferred leadership to others and he seems to be on the same page as Chad. I told him to hook up with Chad! If he could pull Brady in too, that'd be super. The dude gets props for not going along with the young guy alliance. They wanted him as a vote and had no promises for him whatsoever. Good thinking Lea.
ELIZA
I am sure Eliza is a beautiful person in real life. But one word could sum up her air time in the premiere. B I T C H. I took her for smarter than that. I'm not sure how Eliza thinks excluding people and being lazy works. It may have worked for Jenna Morasca, but I hate to tell Eliza you ain't gonna catch that break twice. It doesn't matter if she goes at first tribal council or not, a target is on her back. That theory she had about playing dumb would have worked a hell of a lot better.
LEANN
Leann didn't get too much airtime either, but I still love her. She's not drawing attention to herself, she's working hard, she's performing in challenges -- all good things. She's kind of like Deena, but looks like a model and isn't bossy. Basically, friendly with everyone and does what she's supposed to do. I can see her fitting in with the men very well too.
CHAD
I love Chad. Almost as much as Rupert. Almost. Him revealing his leg the way he did was kinda like Christy explaining that she was deaf. This is SO Amazon. They really seemed to be accepting of it, but Brook put it very well. It's very inspirational, but his ass is still bootable. It really is his only downfall. He's a nice guy, been through a lot, a great competitor -- which is why he's more of a threat than anyone out there. I would pay to see the girls talking about their reaction to Chad's leg though. It's different to be told firsthand about how it happened than it is to see that and form your own opinions. I still love him. I think he's great and they better not vote him out.
BROOK
Buddy, you said it yourself. Chris and Travis both acted like they wanted an alliance, but nobody said anything. Being agressive can hurt you, but so can NOT being agressive. Chris's ass was on the line so he became agressive. Look where he is and look where you are. There has to be some motivation either way. I don't know if you knew that JK had never watched the show. Knowing that, he was a great pawn. But when you couple JP into it, it was just a bad alliance. You're still hot and I'd still give you my number but as a Survivor nut like me, you should have been willing to make some difficult choices and take some risks.
Next week I think the girls have to lose. They guys are not going to let themselves drop two immunities in a row. Yet another person would have to fuck up really bad. Chris had better hope it isn't him.
And something to think about -- guys, I don't know how you must have felt about the girls crawling through mud with their chest hanging out, but *I* was turned on. Of course, I was even more turned on watching the men with their legs wrapped around a beam, humping their way across. Let's have more challenges like that!