Two Heads Are Deader Than One (Part 1)

Shawn Cohen, the 28-year-old ad professional from New York City, and Osten Taylor, the 27-year old equity trader from Boston, where the first two victims of the cruelest hoax twist in the history of Survivor. They were voted out of Survivor:Pearl Islands in back-to-back Tribal Councils after a third tribe -- that's right, a third tribe -- comprised of the six previously ousted castaways entered the game and won a challenge that sent the game into a tailspin from which it may never recover.

On Survivor, they used to say that you have to expect anything, but by having players who were voted out return to the game, now the players know that they can't believe anything either. In fairness to both tribes, and to Osten and Shawn, if flame represents life and flame gets snuffed out, how exactly can flame come back to life?

I caught up with both Shawn and Osten at the end of the Tribal Council staircase, just before the start of the Long Walk of Shame™ -- the walk that used to be forever, but now only seemed temporary. Shawn seemed eager to talk; Osten looked like he was more interested in scarfing down five or six Big Macs™ and some fries, SuperSized™ of course.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Dudes. I'm thinking that you're standing there at what you think is a Reward Challenge™, and suddenly all of the losers you voted out are coming back. You're thinking at that moment: we are sooooooooo hosed. Right?

Osten: I was kind of unhappy, but I still would have quit.

Shawn: The first thought on my mind was: This is a little crazy. What right do they have to be standing in front of me right now? I outplayed and outlasted these individuals.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, we don't care about the integrity of the game anymore. We just care about ratings and screwing with your minds. Nyaah-nyaah-nyaah! What do you think about that?

Shawn: Jeff, it changes the overall game itself and no longer does the meaning of your flame being extinguished mean the same thing. Your fire represents your life in the game, and that meaning no longer holds water.

Osten: It goes against the whole premise of the show to allow them back in. It's a complete abomination.

Being Jeff Probstovich: You want abominations, Osten, what about quitting the game? You're Survivor's first quitter. How does it feel?

Osten: It feels great ... and there will be some nice parting gifts, food, and a clean bed.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Osten, you were portrayed as kind of a big, whiny muscle beach guy who'd have no problem kicking sand in the face of someone like Skinny Ryan, but who otherwise was afraid of every little thing out there -- bugs, snakes, night crawlers, swimming --

Shawn: (laughs)

Being Jeff Probstovich: Shawn, you were portrayed as this clueless buffoon who got into lots of arguments, lost the fishing spear, and generally could be manipulated by anyone into voting whichever way they wanted --

Osten: (laughs)

Being Jeff Probstovich: My question to both of you is, look at each other and tell me if you think the other will be honestly portrayed on the air. Shawn, you first.

Shawn: Well, I feel that editing is a large part of this show, and whether I'd say Osten will be portrayed accurately or not? I don't know, but from what I saw and heard, I think, Osten will come out on screen accurately. Now, about me, I don't think I'm getting edited in the great light that Rupert seems to be getting.

Osten: It's Hollywood, Jeff. You know going in you won't be portrayed accurately. It's clear that Shawn wants to be an actor, so it shouldn't matter if he comes off like a buffoon. It's just the role he's playing. Right, Shawn.

Shawn: (laughs ... uneasily)

Being Jeff Probstovich: Shawn, Jon was a bit of a jerk out there. Why not just punch him in the mouth and shut him up for good?

Shawn: Jeff, you know we have rules. I believe that's the only reason I spared little Jonny.

Osten: Yeah, there's a rule.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, since we've been changing the rules anytime we want to -- for ratings of course -- we might have changed the rules and let you pound that pissant for a while.

Shawn: Yeah, good point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: OK, here I am, Jeff Probst, standing right in front of you. Osten, you should have been able to tell that I was pretty pissed that you quit. Billions and billions try to get on this show of ours, you were picked and you quit. Feh! What do you have to say to me, big fella?

Osten: Jeff, you're a coward, because a) you are a coward and b) the reason I stated he was a coward is because if you have something to say to someone, you say it to their face not wait until they're gone.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, I'm saying it to your face now: you quit. That rule about hitting people still does apply while you're on the CBS set, I'll add.

Shawn: I think I'd love to you play the game yourself and see how you fare, because you obviously have a lot of opinion. So, put your money where your mouth is!

Osten: Like I said before, it doesn't matter what you think, Jeff. I'm completely unaffected by your juvenile behavior.

Being Jeff Probstovich: OK, moving right along ... what did you think about this last twist? Did it shock you even more than the way we started the game?

Shawn: The returning members was more shocking.

Osten: My sentiments exactly: the returning members. And at the Challenge when we had to make a pole to grab the keys, we had to use twine, but the Outcast team used twine and their little armbands.

Shawn: Yeah, good point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: We don't have to give you no stinkin' armbands.

Shawn: Yeah, good point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, I thought the third tribe was a great twist. You can't take anything for granted in this game. Any final thoughts?

Shawn: This taught me a lot about who I am and what I can do as an individual, and I believe that will play out for the rest of my life. But that still doesn't change the fact that the people who are still in the game deserve to be there, not the people who have already been voted out.

Osten: Absolutely. But I don't place the blame on the people voted out; I place the blame on the producer. This game hasn't done anything for me. It was a good experience, but I didn't learn anything about myself. It was a painful and nauseating trip up and down Panama.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Shawn, get a clue. Osten, quit your whining.

Shawn: Yeah, good point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Osten, Shawn, it's time to go ... for now. I think.

They turned and left the game ... maybe forever, maybe not. The upcoming episode could get very strange very quickly. Who'll be voted in next? Oh brother.

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.