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The Epitome of Unfair

Many people were wronged in this episode. I feel violated and not in a good way. *pause* Oh yeah - I'm back!

I'm going to jump around a lot in my comments today so don't mind me. I'm going to start with my opinion on the biggest fucking hypochondriac baby I have witnessed in my life aka Osten. The following is what I have to say to him and you'd better cover your ears folks because it isn't pretty.

"Osten - no one dragged your big muscular ass to Panama. If you didn't realize what the fuck you were getting into, you must have been hiding under a rock all your life because Survivor is not the fucking Hilton. It's not even a pleasant camping trip. It's 39 days of the elements, no food and a royal brain draining courtesy of the tribal politics that tend to go on during the game. You could have learned a thing or two about yourself and pushed your limits out there if you had stayed but you were too big of a fucking pussy to even attempt such a thing. I almost hope a Morgan wins the game to prove that while y'all kept searching for the weak link in the tribe, all along it was you. Your attitude towards Jeff Probst made you look even worse because he had every right to be super fucking mad at your decision. Someone else could have taken your spot on the show that wanted to be there and wanted to win. Not just coast along and quit the second they get a muscle cramp or two. CJ has spoken. Good fucking riddance."

On to the twist. Yes it's shocking. Yes it's exciting. However, it is extremely unfair. I am a firm believer that once your torch is out, it's out. Good fucking luck and hope to see you in All Stars. The whole point of twists in the first place is to catch people by surprise and have them unexpectedly get voted out or similar stuff to change the tribal dynamics. Now, I don't have a problem with someone coming back into the game maybe for a night to shake things up, but coming back into the game permanently is just wrong. I don't think the viewers want to see it and neither do the contestants other than the ones who actually DO get voted back in. If one of the Outcasts wins, I will seriously reconsider my belief in Survivor being a great show anymore. I don't care if they've been eating hardly anything while they've been out of the game. They haven't had to PLAY the game and that's the part that really matters.

I'm curious to see what happens next week and I hope for Burnett's sake that this twist works out in a favorable way.

Trish Doesn't Dish ... Just Yet

Trish Dunn, the 42-year-old marketing executive from Annapolis, Maryland became the sixth person voted off on Survivor:The Pearl Islands. Her suprise departure, at the hands of Rupert Boneham (also known as the "star of the show") put the Drake and Morgan tribes in a dead heat at 5-5 heading into the oft-speculated Merge™. Where all of the early signs pointed to a Drakes coffee-cakewalk all the way to the Final Two, now all bets are off ... not to mention the rumors of a third tribe joining the fray.

We caught up with Trish at the edge of the Tribal Council set. Looming before her was the Long Walk of Shame™ out of the game. We spent a few moments with her before she began that embarrassing journey. But during the entire brief interview, I couldn't shake this feeling that Trish was being coy about something. This time, I didn't go in with guns blazing, because there may be more chapters left in this particular book.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Trish, I've got to say, we're all a little surprised that you're out so soon. Are you as surprised as I am?

Trish: Yes, I absolutely am. I thought they did a great job in spinning the game their way and while I was very surprised that they voted me off, I also had a lot of respect for the game and that anything can happen.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Why did you turn on Rupert so early? Don't you think you should have at least waited until there was a tribal merge?

Trish: Rupert always had his underwear with him. He was wearing them when he jumped off the ship. Unfortunately for everybody, he would choose not to wear them for most of the day so that they could dry out. So, we had quite a full view of Rupert each and every day.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, at least his underwear was clean. As you probably know, Jon was the real puppetmaster out there. Was it tough watching him manipulate the game like he did?

Trish: Jon is a wrestling hero in his own mind. Jon really believes that he is a puppet master. Jon was obnoxious. And Jon was very believable.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Don't all of those traits add up to some sort of mental disorder?

Trish: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Shawn thinks the game is his now. Who do you think was more annoying: the bugs, Jon, or Shawn?

Trish: The bug bites are worse than Jon's mouth. As for Shawn, I think that Shawn has no idea really how to play the game, and he pretty much believed anything that anybody told him. I think his ego really could not let him go beyond his own immortality. In fact, we told him he was immortal. And he believed that too.

Being Jeff Probstovich: You guys found a hammock in the hidden treasure chest, but no one spent time in it. Why not?

Trish: We put the hammock up to try to dry it out and get rid of the mold, but at the end of the day, it smelled so foul that no one would get on it. When it finally aired out, Rupert started using it. And then it smelled like Rupert. Ditto.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Here you are at the challenge, and you have both Osten and Christa holding the same amount of weight ... except maybe in their heads. At that point are you thinking, 'Either Christa's a real Amazon or Osten's a really chump?'

Trish: The latter.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Sandra talked a lot of smack at Tribal Council. Did you feel she was talking too much, especially when you thought that Rupert was the one going and not you?

Trish: Well, Sandra decided to come to TC and slam anybody that was going to get voted off. I think Sandra was an important key to our village success. She was awesome in the village, but other than that, she was useless.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So what's going to happen this week, when you come back and re-enter the game? Will I have to conclude this interview in Part Two?

Trish: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Trish, it's time to go ... for now.

She turned and left the game ... but something told me it wasn't forever. Next episode could get very interesting. Who'll be voted out next?

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.

Throwing It All Up

Michelle Tesauro, the 22-year-old student from Pittstown, New Jersey became the fifth person voted out of Survivor:Pearl Islands, essentially sealing her fate by refusing to sip a disgusting concoction of blood clams, squid, coconut juice and seawater. While that was the final straw that stirred her drink out of existence, it was really her failure to play politics in a highly political game that really sealed her doom.

We caught up to Michelle just before she began her long walk of shame out of the game forever. Moments earlier, she had just made her last statement to the camera, where we overheard her saying, "Regardless of all the politics, I wish I could've been here longer, just had more time to kick some butt and really get into the game." There was that word "politics" again. Didn't the silly little girl realize that Survivor is politics, and nothing but?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Hey, Michelle, a few more questions.

Michelle: Sure, J. Pro!

Being Jeff Probstovich: It seems like you're surprised by the "politics" you witnessed while in the game. Did you think that Survivor was just going to be some kind of beauty pageant ... without the beauty ... or the pageantry?

Michelle: By that I meant the whining and crying that was going on back and forth, all the nonsense that happened that wasn't shown on TV. Instead, I'm shown vomiting on national TV. It was disgusting! I tasted that shake all day long!

Being Jeff Probstovich: So are you saying that you think it's the editing that made the difference?

Michelle: Well, I don't know but I think the editing is kind of annoying. I wished that I had gotten edited as having kicked a lot more butt that I really did.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Speaking of kicking butt, if you had to fight Jon, who'd win?

Michelle: Jon's just incredibly weak, he proved that he was probably one of the weaker people, if not the weakest person, on the tribe and that made him very uneasy. I'd wipe the beach with his bony ass.

Being Jeff Probstovich: How about Balboa?

Michelle: He pretty much hung out on the hammock all day. I hope he's still alive in the next episode, but even that little tiny snake was stronger than Jon.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Jon thinks he's the "puppetmaster." Is he running the show in Drake?

Michelle: No way! Jon is Drake's toy. We used him for entertainment. He comes off as smart but he is not as smart as he says he is. But excuse me, I seem to have some strings dangling from my sleeves.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Didn't you have a plan to pretend to have trouble downing that smoothie?

Michelle: There was no real plan. So, I just got it over with as soon as possible, because it was pretty gross.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Do you think that was the final nail in the coffin?

Michelle: No, the final nail in my coffin was when Burton, oh my dear Burton, was voted off.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Did you have a crush on Burton?

Michelle: [laughs] Everybody loves Burton!

Being Jeff Probstovich: I thought it was "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Michelle: Raymond who?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Ray Romano. But, actually the ironic thing is that everybody actually hates Raymond. They all just butter him up before they roast him. Sort of like Rupert. Did you like Rupert?

Michelle: No! I think that everybody was so in love with Rupert that they forgot the reality of the situation which was that Rupert had the advantage because he'd talked to both tribes.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So everybody loves Rupert?

Michelle: No, everybody loves Burton

Being Jeff Probstovich: We just went over this, it's "Everybody loves Raymond."

Michelle: Well, I don't know Raymond, but I don't think I'd like hime. And I didn't exactly love Rupert either.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Wow, that's a strong reaction. We all thought that Rupert comes off smelling like a rose.

Michelle: [laughs] Weeeell, Rupert wasn't the best smelling guy I've ever been by. I had to share the mattress with him for a few nights. After a while -- like maybe 38 or 39 days -- you'd probably get used to it though.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Quid pro quo, though, do you think it was a treat for Rupert to have to talk to you while you were throwing up?

Michelle: [laughs] He didn't even give me a second to breathe! But we didn't have that much time, so I appreciate him comforting me even when I was throwing up.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Rawwwr!!! So what was the story between you and Christa? A little bit of a catfight situation brewing there?

Michelle: In the beginning, all the girls hung out for the first few days, but then things started to get tense between Christa and I. I had more fun hanging out with the guys than somebody who was just rude to me all the time. And you could tell that it made a her uneasy that it was so easy for me to hang out with the guys and have a good time rather than sit around and braid someone's greasy hair. Remember, this is Survivor: no deodorant, no soap, and definitely no shampoo.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Any regrets?

Michelle: It's really hard to sum up, so I have plenty to say about what went on with the show... maybe too much.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Michelle, it's time to go... again.

She turned and left the game forever. Who'll be voted out next?

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.

Throwing It All Away

Burton Roberts, the 31-year-old marketing executive from San Francisco, and former competitor in another of Executive Producer Mark Burnett's other shows, Eco-Challenge, became the fourth person voted out of Survivor:Pearl Islands, and the first from his tribe. His tribe, Drake, started off the game with the longest winning streak in the show's history, but Burton was one of the architects of its first defeat, purposely sitting out an important immunity challenge so that his tribe would lose. Be careful what you wish for, because sometimes you'll get it ... like a knife in the back.

We caught up to Burton at the edge of the Tribal Council set, just before the curtain of darkness that marked the beginning of the long walk of shame. At first, he could barely formulate words, but after a little stuttering, we were able to coax a few choice comments out of him.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Burton, who should have won this game?

Burton: There's no doubt in my mind that any Challenge, physical or mental, when it came to individual Immunity, I would have won hands-down. No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well then why are you here, just about ready to take the long walk of shame, out of the game forever?

Burton: I've got to say I'm disappointed beyond what words could explain. No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So you don't know?

Burton: No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Burton, this is a game of strategy? Do you think the best strategic players are still in the game?

Burton: I'd say may the best or strongest or smartest person win, but that's impossible at this point, since I'm no longer in the game.

Being Jeff Probstovich: You're a pretty confident -- mabye even cocky -- guy, huh?

Burton: No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: How do you think Drake will fare without you around?

Burton: It's going to be a lot harder without me. Challenges are not going to be guaranteed as they were when I was involved. No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Are you familiar with the phrase "hoist by one's own petard" Burton?

Burton: No doubt in my mind.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Why did you want to vote Christa off so badly? What exactly was it about Christa that you didn't like?

Burton: Because she would just, out of the blue, throw in a random question to cause arguments or just be rude to someone. Christa irritated a lot of people and caused a lot of internal conflict in our tribe. And her laugh and stupid facial expressions get old after a while also.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Burton, it actually sounds like you're a little obsessed with Christa, like it's the beginning of a love connection...?

Burton: No doubt in my mind -- uh, umm -- I meant -- No! Period! But I did like Michelle the best out of all the girls in my tribe.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So you go and tell Rupert your plan for losing on purpose, and then he rats you out to his alliance. Did you just want to tear him a new one after that?

Burton: I had no reason to believe Rupert wouldn't think strategically and logically, so I don't regret that. Do I resent that? Yeah, I mean, he flat out lied and deceived me. While that's part of the game, I did think I could trust him ... about as far as I could throw him.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Do you think he was sore at you for making jokes about the crack of his ass, and for wearing a skirt?

Burton: I think it was three little jokes, repeated, maybe, a couple dozen times each day. Rupert took those way more personally than I expected him to. After seeing the show, obviously he has insecurity issues from the past. I'm pretty sure he didn't wear a skirt in high school, but if he did, and we went to the same school I'd definitely give him a hard time.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Do you think losing challenges on purpose is a smart strategy? Is that the best you could come up with?

Burton: No, and everyone loves to ask that question. In this game of all games, it's not conducive to that whatsoever.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Let's talk about Jon a little. What the hell were you guys drinking that got him so wasted at Tribal? Captain Morgan's Rum or what?

Burton: I think it was some sort of whiskey that we'd mixed with coffee. He did not have much. Since he weighs sixty pounds dripping wet it had a greater effect on him.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Jon was an irritating little punk, huh?

Burton: Jon acts and talks like a wrestler but will never have any wrestling skills without gaining a couple hundred pounds. It was very funny in the challenge when he kept going in the water in the face offs with some of the girls.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Any regrets?

Burton: Being the first one kicked out of my tribe.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, hopefully the best player will win the game.

Burton: That's impossible at this point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, the best players don't get voted out. Ever. You, on the other hand, have been voted out, and you know what? (pause) Burton, it's time to go.

He turned and left the game forever. Who'll be voted out next?

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.

Most Valuable Possession - Episode 4

Posted by: SammyBuru

Rupert, you single handedly won the Immunity Challenge sapping every drop of energy from your body in one of the most exhaustive two-hour battles of will and strength ever witnessed in the history of Survivor.

What do you want to do next?

Let's go to Disneyland!

This is just like say for example, Sammy just finished running a marathon and right after Mrs. Sammy decides she is in the mood. Well maybe that is not a good example, Sammy would find the energy. Jon is a little too happy don t you think. He was acting like his head was on the chopping block or something.

Since Rush Limbaugh is out of work, rumor has it that The Early Show was looking to sign him up as the color commentator for Reality show segments. In a test pilot with Julie, Rush made the comment that he thought Osten with his big flashy muscles is overrated as a player. Osten hasn't been that good from the get-go. He said that the liberal media is guilty of a little social concern and has been very desirous for a black man do well on Survivor.

In the Yahoo Voting Booth CAM last week:

Andrew: (Lil) Great lady. Great work ethic. This is totally based upon strategy. We'll see if it works. Say hey to Cincinnati for me.

Osten: (Lil) Just for strategy purposes.

What was the strategy, other than keeping eye candy? Must be that the work Lil was doing really looks like tons o’ fun. It looks like the two get lost in the "jungle" probably looking for water. After all, the Water Well is a whole 800 feet from their camp. It probably takes 10 minutes to cross the whole island. Methinks the danger is exaggerated, up there with Osten getting drowned.

Since Lil slipped (twice) and said in that The Morgan lost 6 in a row on The Early Show. This must mean The Morgan lose RC again and The Drake gets the final map piece. Because the guys are too chicken, it's Michelle's turn to raid The Morgan Camp, of course The Morgan still remain under orders to gather Intel about The Drake. As Michelle gets off the boat the Nubian Princess is the first to greet her with a hug. Then Darrah (Harrad backwards) quickly gives Michelle a quick hug.

TiJ: Hi Michelle it is so nice to meet you, do you have any alliances at The Drake? Have you seen or touched any monkeys? (Sammy really hates Letterman, this stopped being funny a long time ago.)

Michelle: Oh we don't have any alliances, we are just one big happy family because we are winning everything. Proly means we will fall apart when we start to lose challenges.

Darrah: Hi, I have no raw intelligence and can't think outside the box ...that's why I am still here. (Sammy sort of wants to start a Darrah backwards spoiler.)

Ryno and Osten walk over, both give Michelle a big hug. Andrew is the last to follow over to greet Michelle.

Ryno: Nice to meet you too!

Michelle: Hi, I remember you from just a quick glance at the first challenge. Osten: Hi! I am Osten, people think I am overrated as a player, I see you have noticed my muscles. I will probably drown during IC tomorrow. Michelle: It's great to meet you Osten, now I can put a name with your head … ummm, I mean face.

Adrew: Hi, I'm Andrew, glad that you could meet me. So (he asks nonchalantly) ...who is your leader at The Drake?

Michelle: Oh, no one at Drake is stupid enough to take the leader role, everyone knows that is a death sentence in this game! Why do you ask? Do you guys have a leader?

Andrew: (Coughing) No, same thing here at The Morgan, no one is that dumb here either. So (asking even more nonchalantly) what is your Most Valuable Possession at The Drake?

Michelle: Oh it's Rupert! He single handedly wins all the challenges, he is the smartest one in our tribe and he catches so many fish that we can't eat them all. Rupert is the MVP!

Actually, Lil's little faux pas on The Early Show could have been coached. Only us Internet geeks would pick up on it, but it does look like The Drake find the Treasure Chest. Odds are that The Drake do indeed win RC.

From this Week's Episode, Pick a Castaway, Any Castaway - looks like a twist (duh). Based on the CBS clues, the it looks like The Morgan finally win the thrown Immunity Challenge. And the surprise "Twist," The Morgan get to take the Most Valuable Possession, they take the MVP - Rupert.

After throwing the Immunity Challenge, The Drake have to vote one person off - who?

It was Burton's Idea to throw the Immunity Challenge, by all rights Burton should be in danger. But the Twins have the strongest alliance and also have a very early alliance with Michelle (Coconut juice). Sandra and Trish are another alliance. Jon is smart enough to buddy up to the Wonder Twin power. Jon will have the drunken spectacle at TC where he puts the screws to Christa. Christa is left holding the bag with Rupert not there to protect her. Christa is in trouble and the numbers are against her.

At the beginning of Episode 4, The Morgan is down 3 people: Drake 8 – Morgan 5. At the end of Episode 4, it is a tie game with 6 on each side. It’s an Equalizer Twist.

So:

RC - The Drake
IC - The Morgan
Boot - The Christa

BTW, someone asked Osten this week if he drowned.

First Rule of Survivor: Be Prepared For Survivor

Lillian Morris, the 51-year-old Boy Scout troop leader from Cincinnati, became the third person voted out of Survivor:Pearl Islands. She seemed to have violated the guiding principle of the Scouts: Be Prepared. But then, on the other hand, nothing could have prepared her for the dysfunctional family she found herself cast away with, the dreaded Morgan tribe. By getting voted out, perhaps Lillian escaped the increasingly painful annihiliation that her former tribemates will surely experience as the game moves forward.

Lillian had donned her troop leader cap and was starting to take the Long Walk of Shame™ into the darkness when I caught up with her. She looked a little angry, or perhaps sad, or maybe angry and sad, when I approached her. But with the way her tribe had treated her, could you blame her?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Can you believe those Morgan clowns decided to boot you over Darrah?

Lillian: It was very difficult to have to leave. I felt like I'd shown them that I was an asset to the tribe, but I wasn't that pretty face that Darrah was and these young men like those pretty faces. She said I reminded her a lot of her father.

Being Jeff Probstovich: A backhanded compliment if I've ever heard one. Don't you think Darrah meant 'mother?' And could you understand a single word coming out of Darrah's mouth? We sure couldn't.

Lillian: She was just a young girl that was not used to working hard in the outdoors, and she had that thick Mississippi drawl. Heck, I could hardly tell what she was saying either.

Being Jeff Probstovich: We saw Darrah get a little animated when Sandra took the tarp? What she say?

Lillian: I think it was, uh (mimics Darrah): 'And as God is mah witnuss, ah will nevah go hungray ahgenn!'

Being Jeff Probstovich: What is the first thing you're going to do when you get finish the long walk out of the game?

Lillian: I'm going to eat a big, fat Snickers bar. The king-sized one. Then maybe wash that down with a couple of six packs.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Is it true that one of the main reasons you missed Ryan S. is because you lost the only person who'd snuggle with at night so that you wouldn't freeze?

Lillian: I wouldn't exactly call it snuggling, But now that you mention it, there perhaps was a little May-December thing going on there. On Ryan's part of course. (laughs, uneasily) I'm a happily married woman. I just put my back next to Ryan S.'s back and it did give us some warmth.

Being Jeff Probstovich: The look on your face always seemed to indicate you were angry. Was that true?

Lillian: Yes, Jeff, I was pissed. Hello! I just got voted off on national TV. When I get back, I'm going to have more time on my hands. I lost my job with Lenscrafters because of Survivor, so now I'll need to help support my family by looking for a job. Can you guys at CBS use some help? You've already checked my references.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What about Andrew? He told you he'd be straight with you, and then he turned around and kneecapped you. Did you want to take that cheap suit of his and just whip him with it?

Lillian: Well, Andrew had a lot on his shoulders. Look at our tribe. We didn't win a single challenge, and they usually execute leaders with this kind of track record. So sure, I wanted to whip him, for leading us to one defeat, after another, and another, and another, and ... oh fiddlety-sticks, you get the point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What is wrong with your tribe? Is Morgan just a weak tribe?

Lillian: I think the results speak for themselves.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What about the fishing hook that you lost? They all seemed pretty angry about that, but I know I saw some other members tying the knots. Do you think that you might have been a victim of sabotage?

Lillian: I'm not going to point fingers like they did. They were upset with me about a fish hook. There were two other people in the tribe that lost fish hooks that are still there. I'm not going to say who at this time. But I know that Darrah never went fishing. And Tijuana never went fishing. Andrew never went fishing. So, I really don't believe that me losing the fish hook was my downfall, it was an excuse. Pile on Lillian I guess.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Who was the most annoying person on your tribe?

Lillian: Tijuana. Period.

Being Jeff Probstovich: How did you ever deal with all of Osten's whining?

Lillian: I let Tijuana's loud, high-pitched voice drown it out. You see, the most important thing to her at any time, was to voice her opinion ... on everything! Look, I had compassion for Osten. Osten explained to me that where we were at in the jungle, this was my thing. That I was capable of surviving, this was my element, and his jungle was the city.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Hmmm, it sounds like Osten really should have been cast for Big Brother instead.

Lillian: Who's big brother?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Never mind ... do you have anything to say about Ryan O?

Lillian: Well, put it this way, Ryan Shoulders has more character than Ryan O. will ever have. For instance, I spent 9 days out in the jungle with the guy and I still don't know his last name. Do you?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Come to think of it, but no.

Lillian: My point exactly.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So what's the deal with going swimming in your bloomers?

Lillian: Good question. I think my troop would be embarrassed for me with me running around in my underwear, but in case you've forgotten, Jeff, you people took all of the nice clothes we packed. I had a really nice bathing suit in my bag.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, sure, but we also heard that Rupert over at Drake had packed his Speedos ... and that was about the time that we decide to take everyone's clothes away.

Lillian: Good move.

Being Jeff Probstovich: You seem very honest. If you weren't planning on telling a lie or two to save yourself in the game, why did you go on the show?

Lillian: I had two young girls talk me into doing this: Jennifer and A.J. They said I'd be ideal with my scouting and people skills. They said I was durable as I'd done a number of adventures where I'd gone days and days and days without a shower, without a bath. In hindsight, maybe it was their polite way of trying to tell me to take a bath. (laughs)

Being Jeff Probstovich: Would you play this game again?

Lillian: I'd do it in a heartbeat. Maybe I'll be back sooner than you think.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Lillian, it's time to go.

She turned and started making the long walk out of the game. Who'll be voted out next?

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.