Lillian Morris, the 51-year-old Boy Scout troop leader from Cincinnati, became the third person voted out of Survivor:Pearl Islands. She seemed to have violated the guiding principle of the Scouts: Be Prepared. But then, on the other hand, nothing could have prepared her for the dysfunctional family she found herself cast away with, the dreaded Morgan tribe. By getting voted out, perhaps Lillian escaped the increasingly painful annihiliation that her former tribemates will surely experience as the game moves forward.

Lillian had donned her troop leader cap and was starting to take the Long Walk of Shame™ into the darkness when I caught up with her. She looked a little angry, or perhaps sad, or maybe angry and sad, when I approached her. But with the way her tribe had treated her, could you blame her?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Can you believe those Morgan clowns decided to boot you over Darrah?

Lillian: It was very difficult to have to leave. I felt like I'd shown them that I was an asset to the tribe, but I wasn't that pretty face that Darrah was and these young men like those pretty faces. She said I reminded her a lot of her father.

Being Jeff Probstovich: A backhanded compliment if I've ever heard one. Don't you think Darrah meant 'mother?' And could you understand a single word coming out of Darrah's mouth? We sure couldn't.

Lillian: She was just a young girl that was not used to working hard in the outdoors, and she had that thick Mississippi drawl. Heck, I could hardly tell what she was saying either.

Being Jeff Probstovich: We saw Darrah get a little animated when Sandra took the tarp? What she say?

Lillian: I think it was, uh (mimics Darrah): 'And as God is mah witnuss, ah will nevah go hungray ahgenn!'

Being Jeff Probstovich: What is the first thing you're going to do when you get finish the long walk out of the game?

Lillian: I'm going to eat a big, fat Snickers bar. The king-sized one. Then maybe wash that down with a couple of six packs.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Is it true that one of the main reasons you missed Ryan S. is because you lost the only person who'd snuggle with at night so that you wouldn't freeze?

Lillian: I wouldn't exactly call it snuggling, But now that you mention it, there perhaps was a little May-December thing going on there. On Ryan's part of course. (laughs, uneasily) I'm a happily married woman. I just put my back next to Ryan S.'s back and it did give us some warmth.

Being Jeff Probstovich: The look on your face always seemed to indicate you were angry. Was that true?

Lillian: Yes, Jeff, I was pissed. Hello! I just got voted off on national TV. When I get back, I'm going to have more time on my hands. I lost my job with Lenscrafters because of Survivor, so now I'll need to help support my family by looking for a job. Can you guys at CBS use some help? You've already checked my references.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What about Andrew? He told you he'd be straight with you, and then he turned around and kneecapped you. Did you want to take that cheap suit of his and just whip him with it?

Lillian: Well, Andrew had a lot on his shoulders. Look at our tribe. We didn't win a single challenge, and they usually execute leaders with this kind of track record. So sure, I wanted to whip him, for leading us to one defeat, after another, and another, and another, and ... oh fiddlety-sticks, you get the point.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What is wrong with your tribe? Is Morgan just a weak tribe?

Lillian: I think the results speak for themselves.

Being Jeff Probstovich: What about the fishing hook that you lost? They all seemed pretty angry about that, but I know I saw some other members tying the knots. Do you think that you might have been a victim of sabotage?

Lillian: I'm not going to point fingers like they did. They were upset with me about a fish hook. There were two other people in the tribe that lost fish hooks that are still there. I'm not going to say who at this time. But I know that Darrah never went fishing. And Tijuana never went fishing. Andrew never went fishing. So, I really don't believe that me losing the fish hook was my downfall, it was an excuse. Pile on Lillian I guess.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Who was the most annoying person on your tribe?

Lillian: Tijuana. Period.

Being Jeff Probstovich: How did you ever deal with all of Osten's whining?

Lillian: I let Tijuana's loud, high-pitched voice drown it out. You see, the most important thing to her at any time, was to voice her opinion ... on everything! Look, I had compassion for Osten. Osten explained to me that where we were at in the jungle, this was my thing. That I was capable of surviving, this was my element, and his jungle was the city.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Hmmm, it sounds like Osten really should have been cast for Big Brother instead.

Lillian: Who's big brother?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Never mind ... do you have anything to say about Ryan O?

Lillian: Well, put it this way, Ryan Shoulders has more character than Ryan O. will ever have. For instance, I spent 9 days out in the jungle with the guy and I still don't know his last name. Do you?

Being Jeff Probstovich: Come to think of it, but no.

Lillian: My point exactly.

Being Jeff Probstovich: So what's the deal with going swimming in your bloomers?

Lillian: Good question. I think my troop would be embarrassed for me with me running around in my underwear, but in case you've forgotten, Jeff, you people took all of the nice clothes we packed. I had a really nice bathing suit in my bag.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Well, sure, but we also heard that Rupert over at Drake had packed his Speedos ... and that was about the time that we decide to take everyone's clothes away.

Lillian: Good move.

Being Jeff Probstovich: You seem very honest. If you weren't planning on telling a lie or two to save yourself in the game, why did you go on the show?

Lillian: I had two young girls talk me into doing this: Jennifer and A.J. They said I'd be ideal with my scouting and people skills. They said I was durable as I'd done a number of adventures where I'd gone days and days and days without a shower, without a bath. In hindsight, maybe it was their polite way of trying to tell me to take a bath. (laughs)

Being Jeff Probstovich: Would you play this game again?

Lillian: I'd do it in a heartbeat. Maybe I'll be back sooner than you think.

Being Jeff Probstovich: Lillian, it's time to go.

She turned and started making the long walk out of the game. Who'll be voted out next?

This is Being Jeff Probstovich.

Posted by Boycaught at October 6, 2003 11:41 PM | TrackBack