Previously, I promised to return with a pre-cap review of the contestants. So here I am. Who looks to be Chief Idiot? Who will be the UTR bunny? Who will be the bitch? How likely is it that Snickers will feature prominently as a reward? And who will be the Final Survivor? Okay, actually I'm not predicting who will win, but among other such riveting comments, remarks and asides that represent my take on the information supplied in the official biographies, I may indicate who are my choices for final 4.

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On February 13, a new brand of attention whore washes up on our teevee screens. Instead of pretty faces and vacant skulls, this season's group of Survivor Contestants is one of the best educated best-looking and youngest casts ever seen in any reality game show since Jeopardy. (And Jeopardy only got the general knowledge smartypantses, not the cutesy-pies as well.) There are only a couple of nerds, and only a couple of less well educated.

Survivor opener on a 13th of the month? Is this a good sign or a bad sign? Are we finally going to get a show that lives up to the promise of the early days, or will we all be lamenting yet another 3 months wasted?

While all 16 of them will finally show their faces and be officially introduced, some of them are already over-exposed, thanks to Mark Burnett running "Survivor Is Coming" commercials on every show remotely considered to be of the reality tv genre (Meet My Folks, anyone?) If you have turned on a tv since early January you would have needed some pretty fancy fingerwork with the remote to have avoided seeing various Survivors making lame claims about being too cool for school.

But enough about the Christmas-decorations-in-the-stores-the-day-after-Labour-Day feel to Survivor: Amazon promotionals.

What about Jif Probes' Reunion Special comment about John Nash? Did you do your homework? Did you bone up on the Game Theories by borrowing an appropriate book from the library, or at least, by renting "A Beautiful Mind" and this time struggling to stay awake through the boring math bits?

I didn't either. And stop giggling because I said "bone up."

However, if you did, kindly don't perform your interpretative dance of the John Nash Un-Cooperative Games People Play Theories here. There may well be something to those theories, but chances are if we get too hung up on them, we're more likely to miss seeing the true picture. As I see it, the John Nash clue was mainly a ploy to throw the spoiling community way off-track.

This article might give you a bit of a head's up on what to expect from our new S16. But basically I don't want to have to review this stuff as part of the same recap in which I cover episode 1. Yep, it's really all about me and my needs.

In the aforementioned promos, Jif informed us that this season the tribes will be gender-split. I like that term. Gender-split. (Okay, he didn't really say "gender-split", but I like it, so I'm going to run it into the ground pretty much the same way the phrase "Men versus Women" will be run into the ground before the pseudo-merge invitational is held.)

As always, each Contestant was asked a bunch of questions as to their favourite Flower, Colour, Breakfast Food, TV show, actors, actresses, books, movies. You know the drill. They never ask anything we REALLY want to know, like favourite turn-ons or interesting fantasy. You know, the really important stuff. If you want to know everything that each person said, check out the threads very lovingly started here by Rockhopper. I'm just going to comment on a few of the details. I'm trying to keep my recaps down to less than 4 pages .

First, we'll take a look at the Men's Tribe. Tabaqui is their tribe name, I believe.

Alex Bell is the John Carroll (S4 Marquesas) look-alike. A 32 year old Triathlon Trainer from L.A., he's brought for his luxury item a "Finisher Medal." Not a winner, or second place, a finisher medal. I guess it's some achievement - I don't know from triathlons. It just seems kind of lame. If you don't agree that that's lame, how about his plans for his million: to buy a 33 year old Pontiac convertible. Alex doesn't even list Survivor as one of his favourite tv shows. If you need more clues/proof to comprehend that this guy is so gone quickly, he is not one of the 11 who lists "Snickers" as a favourite candy bar.

Butch Lockley is a 50 year old middle school principal from Illinois. He's brought the School Banner as his "luxury item." It sounds totally dumb, but maybe it will come in handy if he's still around when they do the SOS challenge. Butch is another with a big dream of buying a vehicle with his million dollars. Are 4-wheel drive pick-up trucks really so expensive? One of his favourite scents is outdoor morning woods (I could make a totally PG17 comment but I shouldn't sink so low so early in the season.) Instead I think he'll totally have had enough of that scent by about Day 3 of living in the rainforest.

Daniel Lue is the Vern Yip lookalike. He's a 27 year old Texan tax accountant by day, and a bodybuilder by night. He brought his "magnetic rings" as his luxury item, which means he hasn't really been paying attention. No one has energy to "work out" on 200 calories a day. I'm assuming that that's what magnetic rings are for. If I'm wrong, sue me! Daniel describes himself as "vivacious" which to my mind is not the kind of term a straight guy ever uses to describe himself, let alone one who holds as his greatest achievement "transforming himself from a 98 lb weakling into a body builder." A body builder, eh? What body builder lists Lucky Charms and Sugar Smacks among his favourite cereals?

Dave Johnson looks like a "dude." I just know this 24 year old has some kind of personal joke nickname involving his Little Mr. Johnson. Yes, after 5 full seasons, MB has finally cast a rocket scientist. Too bad he's a guy whose drunken cry has to be, "Dude, where's my rocket ship?" Dave looks like he'd have a hard time finding his car in front of his house. He did bring a sketch book and pencil as his luxury item, so that's one good sign. He describes himself as "omnipresent." Uh-oh. Bad sign. If he wins he wants to buy a car AND a beef jerky company. I'm not sure whether I'm really glad or really ashamed that Dave lists Ayn Rand as one of his favourite authors. Benefit of Doubt: Go Rocket Scientist Boy, Go!!

Matthew von Ertfelda is a 33 year old Restaurant Designer from Washington D.C. who looks like Tony Robbins the motivational speaker guy. He's brought his high school wrestling jacket for his luxury item, which will help keep him warm in the cold cold nights in the rainforest. He studied Mandarin Chinese, so look for him to form an alliance with fluent-in-Mandarin Daniel Lue. He also holds a culinary diploma from a fancy French Ecole de Gastronomie. But can he cook rice? This guy is so twee - his favourite scent is "fresh garlic being sauteed in virgin olive oil." And he has a vivacious fish. Either this guy is gone pre-merge or he lasts to the F6 at the very least.

Rob Cesternino is 24, from New York and works as a computer projects coordinator. His picture screams "nerd;" the Magic 8 Ball as his luxury item just confirms that impression. I bet he thinks his Ball will give him a jump on everyone else in knowing what's coming. He reckons he is "mischievous, hilarious and creative." It will sure be funny to see him trashing his Magic 8 Ball for telling him nobody will vote for him to leave. This guy lists his single greatest accomplishment as driving 21 hours to Mardi Gras with a couple of buddies without *gasp* hotel accommodations. Another good reason to get rid of him early: his big plans for the million bucks are to buy a "fully equipped bachelor pad with a big neon sign that says 'Open.'" He does not list Survivor as one of his favourite TV shows. Nope. Only show given is The Sopranos, and I think we know what that means. Boston Rob attitude in a fugly package = first boot.

Roger Sexton is at 56 the oldest. He has the look of a kinder, gentler Ian from TAR3 (which means he also looks a tad like Harrison Ford), right down to the Vietnam experience. He's a construction company executive from California, so I expect he will take charge of the shelter construction. He's brought his Dog Tags for a luxury item, which will come in handy for identification purposes when he gets lost in the jungle, falls into a river and is consumed by piranha. His reason for doing Survivor is to test himself against anyone of any age or gender (because as you know, there are so many genders these days ) He might make the final 4, unless the generally younger group decides to toss the oldsters immediately 'just in case.' Roger is another who lists Ayn Rand's novels as his favourites, so I'll be rooting for Rogerson Fordton!!

Ryan Aiken will be this season's Chief Idiot. Which is to say the 23 year old looks like Silas from S3 AND lists his occupation as Model and Actor. He chose "funny, confident and talkative" to describe himself and considers himself to be a leader. Talkative + Self-Proclaimed Leader = Early Boot. Do you think Aiken will get down on one knee to coach his tribe through the ordeal of beating the women at the first Immunity Challenge? He has one of the biggest cheeziest grins, so I'm wondering why he didn't include "boyish" as a descriptive term. One of his favourite sports to play is "jump rope" and yet he refused to name a favourite flower because that's "a girl question." Six of eight guys managed to name a favourite flower so either we have here a guy tribe full of girly guys, or Ryan and Daniel are unsure of their sexuality.

Now for the girls. Their tribe is named Jaburu.

Christy Smith is the 24 year old deaf girl. There has certainly never been anyone quite like her before, and an immediate look-alike does not spring to mind. She looks pretty, loving, sweet, caring AND intelligent, a combination new to the Survivor selection panel, I'm sure. Previous young women have never had ALL those qualities. She's brought sage as her luxury item, which is kind of ditzy. Maybe it's for spicing up the food, although sage is a difficult spice for me to enjoy on a daily basis. She describes herself as independent, goal-oriented and succulent. Christy does seem wonderful, but "succulent?" I hope no-one is planning to test her choice of word. Nevertheless, she looks like Final 4 material.

Deena Bennett reminds me of Spicoli, that Sean Penn character in Fast Times at Ridgmont High. Seriously, her picture looks like she belongs on the guys' tribe. She's just not photogenic, maybe? She's brought water balloons as her luxury item. She's kind of dim, maybe? Deena is someone who likes "slogans." She's a Deputy District Attorney, who says "Criminal prosecution is my game, protecting the innocent is my aim." Deena is most proud of being a mom despite her career achievements (and despite looking like a guy, I would have to add.) If she wins the million, she's getting new flooring for her house. I'm wondering if she's planning on getting marble throughout. She's into Christian rock, doesn't drink alcohol and lists the Bible as one of her favourite books/authors. Serious religious type here - definitely not a contender for UTR bunny.

Heidi Strobel is 24 and from Missouri. She looks like Penny, but prettier. She's brought a guitar & song book for her luxury item. Well it didn't do Brian any harm did it? She works as a phys ed teacher. She describes herself as conscientious, enthusiastic and determined. Maybe she's our UTR bunny? If she wins, she'll pay off her student loans and buy a car. She doesn't list Snickers. She does enjoy alcohol. She seems kind of boring, but maybe "lists" aren't her thing.

Janet Koth is a 47 year old Travel Agent/Abstinence Counsellor from Missouri. I never would have thought those two activities would be the kind to be combined. She'd like to be President of the U.S. because of her determination to be in control. This doesn't bode well for her chances with her tribe. There may be a few others determined to be in control. Janet lists as her favourite scents Obsession and Fendi. Few other contestants listed perfumes in answer to this question. Janet seems "uppity" - maybe it's because one of her favourite alcoholic drinks is "expensive merlot." She'd like to treat her whole family to an expensive Hawaiian vacation if she wins. I don't see her making it to the merge.

Jeanne Herbert looks friendly and smart. A 41 year old marketing director from Massachusetts, she's brought massage oil as her luxury item. Not a bad idea. She says she's "enthusiastic, free-spirited and outgoing" and she does have a bit of a hippie look to her. Her favourite magazines are cuisine related, but again, can she cook rice, and over an open fire? She wants to prove a 40 year old can be the ultimate survivor. In spite of her lack of interest in Snickers, she looks like she'll make it to the jury, if not to the final 2.

Jenna Morasca is a 21 year old bimbette. I mean, she's brought her Zeta crown as a luxury item. She's from Pennsylvania, so at least we won't have to listen to her whine with a Southern accent, but chances are she will have some kind of annoying nasal-tone. She's currently majoring in zoology, which I think is a great idea for her future dream of being President. Can't you see yourself voting for someone to be president so that they can "make all the important decisions?" No Snickers on her list either, so I think she is gone early. Probably turn into a drama queen.

Joanna Ward is a 31 year old School Guidance Counsellor from South Carolina. She's brought a picture of her mom, which seems kind of a waste of a luxury item. Oops, turns out her mom died recently. Joanna is a born-again Christian who enjoys fellowship with Christian believers but lists Gospel as her fave music. It'll be fun to see how she and Deena get along. Is there a chasm between the Gospel fans and the Christian Rock fans? Joanna doesn't list Survivor as a favorite tv show, but does list Snickers. What do you think? Will she make it far enough to be around for the Snickers reward?

Shawna Mitchell looks like Amazing Race's Zach's twin sister. Curly hair, head bands, really - twin! Actually Shawna does have an identical twin sister. She's brought her soccer ball, but she's 23 and doesn't list Survivor as among her fave tv shows. She has a BA in business admin in marketing, but is working in retail clothing sales. Maybe starting on the ground floor? She describes herself as gregarious, open-minded and charismatic. I think "chatterbox" may be the underlying theme here. If she wins she wants to "volunteer" and travel internationally.

***
So there they are, all 16. Overall, this is the smartest group they've ever selected. Lots of college degrees, good jobs and people who don't "need" the money, but want the experience. Nobody sounds super-determined to win the million, but how many biographies of previous winners sounded like they were going to be the winner?

Don't look at me - this is the first time I've ever read the biographies. If anyone has the previous winners' bios and thinks it's worth discussing, post them for comparison's sake.

It's also interesting that there is a school principal, a school phys ed teacher and school guidance counselor, plus a deaf children's nature guide. Wouldn't it be funny if they all made it to the final few, and then they could joke about opening up a Survivor School?

Hope you're looking forward to episode 1. Only 100 hours more, give or take, til Survivor Amazon starts!